You Know You´re in the Dominican Republic when…

This was a list compiled by the Elders

You Know You´re in the Dominican Republic when…

             The women have 5 o´clock shadows

         You can´t tell the difference between a party and a funeral

·         It´s more commonplace to see naked kids than clothed ones

·         You have 12,000 baptismal dates but 3 baptisms in your entire mission

·         You can fit 9 people in an ´82 Camry

·         50 year old women think that bras are optional

·         A lesson about Joseph Smith turns into a lesson about anatomy

·         The school bus has a reserved section for pregnant students

·         The women sweep the dirt around

·         A couple has been together for 30 years and has 4 kids and aren´t sure about marriage

·         A visa to the U.S. is more important than a visa to the Celestial Kingdom

·         Someone has lived on the same street for 10 years and doesn't know the name of it…nor do they know the number of their house.

·         Every wall in the city serves as a urinal

·         Shirts are optional for men and pants are optional for boys…and morals are optional for everybody

·         At church, it´s just a party with Jesus

·         Renting plastic chairs is a very profitable business, but the most profitable business is owning a church

·         The dogs get stuck

·         They don´t wipe, don´t flush, and don´t aim

·         A fork and a cheese grater is considered a musical instrument

·         You can´t tell the difference between someone feeling the Spirit and somebody having a seizure

·         Christian schools are owned by liquor companies

·         The outlets in your house were installed upside down or sideways

·         Being rained on causes liver failure…but the 20 bottles of rum don´t

·         They burn every piece of toxic trash out in the street right next to your house

·         They sell milk by the liter and oil by the gallon

·         You mistake someone singing for a mix between a dying duck and a screaming banshee

·         A truck comes by, buying anything old and used, even your grandma

·         You try to say hello but everyone just says goodbye

·         No one ever finishes building their house

·         They use an old T-shirt as a welcome rug

·         Being embarrassed constitutes a foul in basketball

·         The most frequently used phrase of a child is “Give me 5 pesos”

·         You hang your clothes up to dry, and they´re gone within 5 minutes

·         The best lawnmower is a Haitian or a goat

·         A high quality T-shirt is a HOLISTAR

·         “C Ben D” means “For Sale”

·         Cockroaches are not only tough, but immortal

·         People use the word “vaina” for everything in sight

·         Cough drops are considered candy

·         The most convenient time to beat your 3 year old is in a lesson

·         All you can think of is “What!? She´s only 13!?”

·         All you need to get a cute girl is a sparkly shirt and a shiny hat

·         Everyone is on key except for the piano

·         You can smell the men´s BO from a mile away and a woman´s perfume from 2

·         Dating only consists of making babies

·         Your speaker system costs more than your house

·         A toy consists of a bike tire and a stick

·         The highlight of the conversation is about baseball, visas, or the girl that just walked by

·         The cost of everything goes up for being white

·         You eat chicken with your hands or a spoon, but never with a fork

·         When every part of an animal, inside and out is gourmet.

·         The hairnet is just as popular as the turban in Iraq

·         The whole economy is monopolized

·         Every shop is sponsored by Kola Real

·         The key to a woman´s heart is an American visa

·         You have to sleep with the fan on to keep  the mosquitoes from eating you alive

·         Every house has 3 butterflies next to the front door…and no one knows why

·         Crossing the street is like playing Frogger

·         The corner stores advertise everything they don´t have

·         They hang aloe vera upside down in their doorways to keep away witches…and Haitians

·         There´s a party every time the power comes back

·         They wash their house with a hose

·         You can´t tell the difference between a school and a prison

·         Cleavage is mandatory, no matter what age you are.

·         Nobody can read for more than 5 minutes without getting a headache

·         It doesn´t matter who´s right, because the loudest one always wins

·         Dating a 13-year-old is the norm, not the exception

·         You see 5 people on a moped; one with a washing machine, one with a gas tank, and one with a baby.

·         Cross-eyed people wear glasses

·         You don´t follow the hairline; you cut your own.

·         You can obligate everyone, but no one can obligate you

·         You knock on a door and someone in the back yells ”Nobody´s here!”

·         Work time, fun time, rest time, and everything time is spent sitting out on your front porch.

·         All the American food has corn on it

·         You think you´re original, but it´s just another variation of beans, rice, and meat

·         There´s a synonym for “filling the stocking” and “sucking the pineapple”

·         3 year old children wear playboy shirts

·         Haitians work and the rest watch.

·         Three guys on a moped isn't gay, it´s a way of life

·         Yawning means your hungry

·         You've got two handles for the faucet, but only the cold one works

·         Honking exempts you from all traffic laws

·         Someone throwing a tantrum means there´s an evil spirit in the house

·         They say you already know, but you don´t

·         Burnt rice is a delicacy

·         Cohabitation is considered to be marriage

·         A blue shirt means they´re too young

·